Single Pringle

Happy Sunday Funday friends!

I hope you had an absolutely wonderful week! And I hope your upcoming week goes so awesome!

This week for me was a bit of a rollercoaster. There were some good days and some not so good days. But I made it to the weekend, and boy am I happy about that. Although, by now, the weekend is almost over, so here’s to another week of work.

Ready to get started? This one’s an interesting one. I think.

Dating sucks. Dating in my late twenties and early thirties sucks worse. Dating in a time where online dating is the prominent way of meeting people sucks the worst.

I have been a single Pringle since right before I graduated from college in 2015. I was almost 25. And I decided to take some much needed time to myself. There were a lot of things in that break up that I needed to work through. So, I didn’t try to jump back into the dating world for a little bit.

But when I did . . . Man, that was a choice. And it was a choice I regret most of the time. I have joined numerous online dating apps over the past six or so years. More than I would like to admit, honestly. But they all have resulted in some of the most disappointing and eye opening conversations I have ever had.

I learned that there are a lot of boys, who are the age of men, who do not know how to speak to women. They think they are God’s gift to women and they talk like they can do no wrong. Their true colors come out when they get rejected though. Those “sweet and charming” men turn into defensive, harsh, and sometimes cruel little boys. They jump on the defensive faster than anything, and boy do they know how to throw around insults when they feel insecure.

I have been called a prude along with other names that I won’t type here because I told boys I wasn’t interested. I have been told I wasn’t attractive when I told them it wasn’t going to work out, when they had spent so long telling me I was so pretty. I have been questioned, gas lighted, guilt tripped, and so much more. They can’t take rejecting in person, so they go to online dating. And they can’t take the rejection there either.

The longer I spent single and swiping, the more I started seeing my peers, younger, my age, and older; getting engaged, married, or pregnant. I was, and still am thrilled for those friends. Beyond belief. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was standing still while everyone else was flying forward. And I had a bit of a Rapunzel moment. Ya know, in “Tangled”? She sings that song that says, “When will my life being?” That’s how I felt.

So, I downloaded multiple dating apps. I even paid for a couple of the subscriptions because I had this theory that the guys who also paid for the premium version would be more serious about finding love than the others. Eh . . .

I’m not going into all the crazy stories because that would take a long time. However, I am planning to write a book about all of my experiences, good and bad. It already has a title; “Perks, Quirks, and Jerks.” Although, I’m pretty sure the final product will be call “Jerks, Quirks, and Perks” because there are a lot more jerks than perks.

Really, what I wanted to talk about here, is what I have learned from being on online dating apps, and what I have had to journey toward. It’s been an adventure. And I’m still single.

One of the things I had to realize when using online dating apps is how to react to the way some boys send messages. When they get impatient because I haven’t responded as quickly as they want, I refuse to apologize. I remind them that I am an adult woman who has a life outside of messaging them, and that I will not jump to their every notification tone. And they don’t like that. But they can get over it.

Another thing I had to remind myself is that I do not have to talk to every person who sends me a “like.” If it’s one of the apps that tells me who likes me before I even swipe, I have the freedom to decide if I want to like them back or not. And if there’s something about their profile that I don’t like, then I don’t swipe right or hit the heart or do whatever that app says to do.

Ya wanna know one of the hardest things for me? Realizing that just because a guy compliments me, doesn’t mean he is the right guy for me. They are full of compliments and full of these little charming quirks, but they are not always what they seem. And it’s okay to be cautious of those compliments. Really, it’s better to be cautious because there are some not so great people out there.

And when I did find someone that I agreed to meet, things didn’t really pan out in my favor. I met some really strange people who did not match what I thought about them from the texting conversations. They did not know how to talk to someone, let alone a woman they were trying to date.

Most did not get a second date. And those that did were poor judgments on my end. I tried to be nice and give some of them a chance. That was a mistake. And that’s not something I want to repeat.

I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count. Guys I match with unmatch with me before a message has been sent. I’ve been sent perverted messages. I’ve ended things after just a couple messages because they were obviously not who they claimed to be. I have had no luck, honestly.

There are times I feel shallow. There are a few reasons for that. The first is because there are times I cannot fully explain why I don’t like someone after texting or meeting. If there’s not a connection, there isn’t always a stand out reason.

I also have this thing about voices. A voice is something you will have to listen to forever if you stay with someone. So, if I’m not attracted to their voice, I can’t continue talking to them. I won’t lead someone on if I already know it’s not going to work.

There’s also a phrase that, if said or typed, is a no-go that I just can’t seem to let go. It’s “jack of all trades, master of none.” I have heard that way too many times as an excuse for not holding down a job. I just can’t. I would rather them be a master of one thing than not be able to do something stable. That may just be me, but that’s how I feel.

I don’t know how guys decide what to put on their profiles. Honestly, the pictures they choose and the blurbs they write rarely have any thought put into them. I understand wanting to show the “real” you, but the whole point of this thing is to attract someone to possibly date, right? So, why wouldn’t you want to put the best pictures of yourself out there?

I use my most recent pictures and try to put the ones I would consider the best ones. But I’ve seen some very “interesting” choices from guys. One recently had a picture where all you can see is his bare legs in the bathtub. It was creepy. And I don’t know what possessed him to post it. Others post themselves flipping the camera off. Or they post pictures where it’s really unflattering. And those who post pictures with a group are frustrating because you don’t know which one it is.

Some guys don’t even write anything about themselves, which is usually an indication that they aren’t taking it seriously. And if they do write something, half the time, it’s something that either doesn’t make sense, has no punctuation (which you know is a thing that would bother me), or it lists a bunch of stuff they like. I read what is on the profiles, and if it doesn’t fit with what I’m looking for, I don’t swipe right or hit the heart or whatever.

Profiles are the first impression for online dating apps. And a lot of guys aren’t good at that first impression.

And because of the way they have done their profiles, I don’t swipe right on many people. And I don’t respond to many who like me. I’ve realized that a lot of guys just swipe right on everyone and then see if someone likes them back. I’m not going to be on that list for them. They obviously didn’t take the time to look at my profile because I’m very clear about what I’m looking for, and these guys nowhere near fit that.

It’s a sorry fish pool to fish from out there.

Now, remember how I said I felt like I was being left out some and wondering “when will my life begin?” Yeah. I had to kind of get onto myself about that. My life does not begin with the start of a relationship. My life began back in 1990 when I was born. And it’s not a relationship that defines it.

Look, God made me who I am for a reason. And even if I don’t know that exact reason, or even if His plan does not include a relationship, I still get to live life. I still get to live and do what God plans for me to do. And it’s okay if I don’t ever find “the one.”

So many people have said “God has an awesome man planned for you” and “You’ll find him when you least expect it.” But what if that’s not the case? What if that’s not the plan? None of us really know.

And I have to be okay with that. I guess you could say, “At last I see the light. “ If you don’t get that, it’s another “Tangled” song reference. I do love that movie and those songs.

Not long ago, I was home alone. And there were some posts on social media that just made me feel stuck again. I had been doing really well, but sometimes, it just happens. And I went to bed crying. I cried out to God to either send me the man He has planned for me, or to take the desire for a relationship away. And I don’t really know what His answer was. I haven’t met the man of my dreams in that short time, but I also haven’t been searching high and low on dating apps.

Dating apps are exhausting. And I think I’m done with them. I just got a new phone and my apps did not transfer over, so I’ve had to redownload everything that I use regularly. And I realized, I don’t have to redownload those dating apps. I don’t have to subject myself to being just another swipe right or left, or just another profile on an app. I can go without them. And I think I will go without them. Oh the freedom!

I know this post was long. And I’m so sure there was more I could add, but it’s long enough! But it just kind of came to me, so hopefully it was still a good post.

I hope you have a great week!!